BFP

I havent updated this blog in a long time. Mostly because I got my BFP last week!!! Its still so surreal I cant believe it. I was so shocked, I was POSITIVE that I had a very long road ahead of me. My first u/s is Monday, and all I can hope for is that everything looks good. Here we go!!

I've been bad

I haven't been very good about updating this blog as of late. My apologies!

Anyway, tomorrow will be 11DPO. Last cycle, that was the day that I broke down and tested, only to get my period a few hours later. So this time around I think I'm going to try to hold out for AF a little bit longer (or hopefully not at all!), so we'll see how that goes. I felt some cramping around 7-8DPO, but since then, nada. The suspense is tough for me, I am so impatient by nature!

On other fronts, I am THRILLED to be back in my own apartment. Since Saturday, I have been traveling for various reasons and it just feels amazing to be in my own home, with my own shower and my own bed and eating out of my own refrigerator. DH is of course, working. I think I have had about 3 hours of face time with him in the past week! Such is life. Or maybe, such is Wall Street.

The past 2 days were spent in Kansas City, MO. I have never spent any real time in the Midwest. It was.... nice. The people are nice. The city is nice. Theres no traffic, everyone says please and thank you and shows up places on time, you can get more than a box of a studio for an apartment... But when I flew into LaGuardia, I remembered-- Wait, I like things fast and hard and dirty. I don't want to wait 10 minutes for my coffee, I want the cashier yelling "next" before I can even get my wallet out to pay. I don't want to ever have to use a tornado shelter. I don't want my city so clean that the street sweepers are sweeping up pebbles with their little brush and box. I like that I get anywhere underground inside of 20 minutes.

New York is home, and everywhere else is for visiting.

Baby!

T had her baby, a gorgeous little boy! He has a head full of blond hair. I went to the hospital last night to visit them. He was just so little and precious. What a miracle. As I held him in my arms, I wondered to myself if (or hopefully, when) I would be able to do this with my own baby. Even his little farts were so cute!

I feel as though TTC consumes my life, to the point that I wonder how I never cared very much before. The past two years were tough. DH and I were living in Philadelphia. He was in business school, and I was commuting every day to NYC for work. Yup, thats a 2 hr 10 min commute each way (on a good day). It was all I could do to keep my head above water. My life was nothing more than train, work, train, sleep, repeat. Weekends were a welcome refuge but I didn't think of much else besides getting through the business school experience in one piece. Don't get me wrong, it was totally worth it. DH got an MBA from a top school, we made some great friends, and I got the break from NYC that I needed (I am in love with Philly). But all of a sudden, a switch flipped. Im ready for a little munchkin. NOW.

Today is 5DPO. FML.

OMG

OMG. This 2ww is torture. All I can think about, every minute of every day, is whether I am pregnant. In fact, when I get distracted and don't think about it for a little while, I'm always shocked at myself, and it soon pops back into my head.

The next week and a half will be busy, but full of slightly annoying activities. My twin nephews 11th birthday party (they're adorable, but come on, I've been to the first 10), Yom Kippur, and then I am traveling for work next week.

I feel absolutely nada (and shouldnt feel anything, Im only 4DPO). I can start to test around 10/3, my birthday weekend. If Im not pregnant and Im turning another year older? Well, poor DH will be picking up the pieces...

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!!

This weekend was spent at my parents house in suburbia, celebrating Rosh Hashanah with the entire family, including all 6 nephews. It was a great weekend-- the weather was beautiful, the food was great, and DH finagled Friday night and Saturday off from work.

My sister gave me the Ovidrel trigger shot on Saturday night. I know its very likely that I will have to give myself shots at some point down the line, but I couldn't help but put off reality since I had her mad doctor skills at my disposal. We BMS'ed Friday and Saturday night, and we have an IUI scheduled for tomorrow morning. Hopefully there will additional BMSing Monday night if DH isnt too exhausted.

Tomorrow is my mother's surgery (in the end I didn't tell her any of the IF saga). She is incredibly worried, nervous, and scared. Cancer is terrifying enough, but she has somehow managed to go 60-odd years without requiring surgery. If you've never had it, its a daunting prospect.

Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow.

The Day of Reckoning

Well, the day has come. It is time to tell my mom (and dad) that DH and I are TTC. I’ve been putting this off for several reasons:

1) Despite her best intentions, my mom would tell everyone.

2) She would be constantly checking in to see what was going on.

3) Now that I am this far in, she will be upset I didn’t tell her sooner.

But, timing is a funny thing. This morning I had u/s #5 for this cycle. I was expecting to come away from it disappointed. Just as I was about to give up on my body, turns out I have three 16-17mm follies. I was ready to start injectables, so it’s a welcome relief that 150mg of Clomid did the trick. Pills are easier than needles. I like to think its all the eating I’ve been doing, I’m almost 15 lbs up from my bottom weight!

Now, I trigger Saturday night (I am supposed to give the shot to myself but will more likely have my dr. sister do it) and then go in on Monday morning for an IUI.

Here’s the rub: Monday is my mother’s cancer surgery. There is absolutely no excuse I could come up with to get out of going, after I said that I would. So it looks like I will have to tell her the truth, so she will understand why I am missing it.

The kicker is - If I O on Sunday, my pregnancy test at the RE will land on my birthday. Maybe it’ll be a very happy 29th!

Cycle #2, Ultrasound #4

Cycle #2 continues... I am on CD21, and had my 4th (yup, 4th) u/s this cycle this AM. Dr. Fast Talker (should I rename him Dr. Nice?) only found one 14mm folli again, so back on Thursday to see if the 150mg is doing anything for me. At this point, I am just ready to move onto injectibles. I hope Thursday will be the last Clomid u/s. Lets get this (injectable) party started.

In other news, I am gaining weight, but slowly. This works for me, I can't pack on 10 pounds in a week. I am sitting at about 132, a solid 10 lbs from the bottom. Ive gained about .5-1 lb per week, and thats what I am aiming to continue.